


Santa Fe is So Far Away

by SavageDarling



Category: Grace and Frankie (TV)
Genre: ALL THE GAY, F/F, Gay, SO GAY, i have a love/hate relationship with Jacob, lesbian ship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 09:39:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11250483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SavageDarling/pseuds/SavageDarling
Summary: It's been one week since Frankie decided to stay and Jacob decided to leave. Grace wants to believe she's good at not asking questions and ignoring the truth, she was with Robert. But the truth of the matter is Frankie isn't Robert.





	Santa Fe is So Far Away

It's been one week since Jacob and Santa Fe. One week since Frankie came home, smoked three joints, ate two bags of gummy bears, and cried her eyes out. I want to act like it never happened; like I never dragged Frankie, half passed out, to the couch only to have Frankie latch onto my red silk pajamas like a life boat.

There's no ignoring the fact that Frankie said "I told Jacob I couldn't leave my home. I told him I couldn't leave you Grace." Even though she's so far gone when she says it .

And most of all I want to pretend I'm past it all. The way Frankie did the very next day. Even though she was still slightly high. One day and she's already making accusations about how the large corporations are just trying to convince us that waffles and pancakes are different foods and they totally aren't.

"Does it really matter?" I laugh along with her and pretend just as well as she does that Jacob didn't just leave for Santa Fe last night. 

"Of course it matters, Grace! How could it not matter!" Frankie promptly stuffs a mouthful of pancakes into her mouth and grins at me.

I smile back. I turn to start washing the dishes from breakfast and my mind wanders to what really matters. I end up on the night before about Jacob and Santa Fe and I know my smile falters before my face even reacts.

Frankie doesn't notice, thank God, but even if she did I wonder if she would have said something or brushed it off. That was six days ago. The rest of the week was very similar, except for the fact I started taking Frankie's blood pressure and traded out the junk food for some semi-healthier options. 

I should be better at this whole ignoring the truth thing by now. I know I was better at it with Robert. There were many late nights and business trips out of the blue I knew deserved questioning but I was to good at ignoring, or maybe to afraid to ask. 

The problem is Frankie isn't Robert, and so that's why I had to ask. That's why I needed to ask about Jacob and Santa Fe.

Getting Frankie to talk to me wouldn't be easy and I knew that, but I decided it was time to open that specific can of worms. She was on the back porch laying on a couch staring at the stars. 

I didn't want to startle her so I approached slowly with a tight grip on my second martini of the day. "Hey Frankie."

She turned her head to look at me and when she couldn't really see me she sat up and patted the seat across from her. "Wassup sister! Nice bird shirt there. Have you noticed your abnormally large amount of button ups with birds on them?"

"It's not like I've counted. Why? Have you?" I knew I was playing into her avoidance technique but she was good at this game and I couldn't help it.

"Yep this is numero 6, or maybe 7." She laughed heartily and reached out to touch my knee. "Just kidding Grace you know I can barely keep track of my clothes let alone yours."

"Don't I know it." I laughed a little too before trying to get Frankie into serious mode. "Look Frankie I didn't come out here to talk about my shirt."

"Well what did you come out here for then because if you wanted to sit on a couch we have a perfectly good one inside?" Frankie removed her hand from my knee but continued to lean in towards me.

I took a deep breathe before speaking. "I came out here to talk about Jacob." 

Frankie's demeanor immediately changed. She leaned back away from me, crossed her arms, and glared me down before saying, "Well maybe I don't wanna talk about Jacob. Did you ever think of that?" She stuck her tongue out at me but I brushed it off.

"Of course I thought about that Frankie but it's been a God Damn week! A whole fucking week without a word about the fact that you were a minute away from going to Santa Fe!" Frankie leaps up of the couch away from my attempt to touch her, to reason with her.

"Why couldn't you just leave it alone Grace? We could have lived the rest of our lives like this week! You and me and whole grain and blood pressure cuff. Why can't we just ignore the thing with Jacob?" Frankie's pacing in front of me and before I can stop myself I'm up standing in front of her.

"Don't you think I want to ignore it? I spent 20 years of a marriage not asking questions. Ignoring what was right in front of me and maybe you did too or maybe you just didn't notice. Either way I want to ignore this the same way I ignored that, but I can't live my life like this! God Frankie I can't!" I realize I'm yelling too late to stop.

Frankie's voice rings out low then. "Why can't we go back to the way things where? Why are Santa Fe and Jacob so important?"

I don't register the words until they are out of my mouth. "Because you were going to leave me for them Frankie. You were going to leave me for Jacob and Santa Fe." I'm not yelling anymore and Frankie isn't pacing. She's just standing there mouth agape.

"Wanna share with the class what exactly that's supposed to mean because you got my 73 year old brain confused as hell." Frankie's too close to me. I can smell the ocean on her probably unwashed dress.

I take a step back and a deep breathe before continuing. "Don't you get it? I was content with the way things were. I was happy with just you and I thought you were happy with just me. But then Jacob wanted more and suddenly you did too. I even got used to that part, because you said you'd always be there for me and God I believed you. Frankie you were going to go to Santa Fe, with Jacob." I'm not dumb enough to not realize the "without me" is implied. 

Frankie, for her part, is taking this a whole lot better than I thought.  
I figured we would have broken something by now. Or someone would have stormed off (Frankie would have stormed off). Yet, here we both are and somehow, even though I've taken a step back Frankie's closer than she was before I started explaining.

"Good Gracious Hanson. I didn't want to leave you, but I loved Jacob and I wanted to see Santa Fe."

"Wanting to go with Jacob is the same as wanting to leave!" I'm angry and frustrated. Frankie's just telling me exactly what I explained.

"Did you notice anything about our conversations after Jacob asked me to go to Santa Fe? Did you notice that I tried so hard to get you to tell me not to go? I wanted you to ask me to stay. That's what would have made my hard decision miraculously easy." 

Frankie's standing directly in front of me now. She reaches out and pulls me into her. I realize in that moment that I'm crying. I reach out and wrap my arms around her neck burying my face into her shoulder.

"That was me ignoring the obvious. Back when I was good at it." It comes out barely even a whisper and Frankie laughs into my hair, wrapping her arms around my waist.

"You never asked me to stay, not for you Grace. So I thought you didn't need me, but then we were up in that hot air balloon and I knew then. I knew I couldn't leave you even if I wanted too. I still wanna visit Santa Fe, but I wanna do it with you." Frankie's holding onto me for dear life. Just like a week ago in silk red pajamas.

Our conversation is soft now. Like the cool breeze in the air. There isn't any more bite in our words and I'm almost to afraid to ask the question that's been bugging me for longer than I'd like to admit. "What does that mean though? For us Frankie. What does that mean?"

I bring my face away from her shoulder then and she lifts her hand to wipe away tears. "It means I love you Grace." She says it so simply. Like it's the simplest thing she's ever thought of. She's looking at me the way she was when she hopped into my bed and asked me if I wanted her to do stuff to me. She's looking at me likes it's true.

So I take her lead and lean in. I press my forehead to hers and take a deep breathe before I say it. "I love you too Frankie."

We stand like this for what feels like hours. My arms around her neck and hers around my waist. Our foreheads pressed together and eyes closed. When I open my eyes finally and nudge Frankie's face up her hands move up my back and before I know what's happening she pulls me in for a kiss.

It's awful, that my best first kiss is at 73 years old and the woman I love has been right out of my reach for so long. But Frankie's here now, holding me and loving me. When we kiss I feel like I might burst. Like over the past three years I've been holding this all in. 

It isn't perfect though. I'm still crying and Frankie's dress still smells like the ocean. I'm wrapping my hands in her hair and she's laughing but it's beautiful. And it's mine.

**Author's Note:**

> So glad you read this and hopefully enjoyed it! I'm working on a second chapter for "What is This?" But I had this in my head at the time so I wrote it.


End file.
